“Forever Alone” Day

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It’s that time of the year;Β 

A day of roses, teddy bears, hearts, chocolates, and bragging;

Stores are filled with gifts and cards ‘For Him’ and ‘For Her’,
but rarely any ‘For You’, that says “Hang in there!”

There are ways to treat “Him” and “Her”,
but not a lot of tips on how to treat “Yourself.”

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Apparently they call it “Valentine’s Day”.

I just call it Wednesday;
A day of waking up, attempting to function through the day, crying, and snoozing.

I’m still doubtful that I’ll find a “soulmate” in this lifetime.

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Most of my friends now are engaged, married, or travelling around the world.
I’m here, sat in my bedroom, excited because I got a new pair of comfy socks.

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Whoopee.

It used to bother me that by the age of 18, I still hadn’t had a boyfriend.
I’d find it embarrassing that I still hadn’t had my first kiss.
I was fearful about the prospect of never finding my “other half”.
Being alone for the rest of my life still is one of my fears.

Two years on, having passed the cringy phase of adolescence,
I can honestly say that I’m relieved about not having another “half.”

“Other half” suggests that I’m not whole, and that my existence is solely dependant on another being. I wouldn’t like an “other half” or “significant other”. It’s taken me this long to come to terms with being my own person, and I think I would like to enjoy it.

I’m using today to shower myself with the love I deserve, and deprived of for years. I’m using today to be kind to myself, and forgive myself for all the ways I’ve harmed myself in the past. I’m using today to wine and dine… Myself.

I also want to acknowledge my love for the people I currently have in my life.

Β row-of-hearts

I love my family;

Can’t live with them, and can’t live without them.
While most of the time they infuriate me; we disagree on a lot of things, and I would often question how on earth we are related at all, I’ve got to love them. After all, my parents produced a human being that the world is blessed to have today.
My mother, especially, has fought incredibly hard to look after my sister and I.
Her love for us, and our love for her, is completely unbreakable.

I love my best friend who lives overseas.

It’s hard having a long-distance relationship anyway, and I think long-distance friendships are just as hard. It’s hard when the person you share absolutely everything with, can’t be there to physically comfort you; But our love is strong enough to travel across the world and back. No matter the distance, it can’t break our friendship.

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Of course, there are moments,
like on “Valentine’s Day”, during romcoms, and lonely nights,
when I wish I had a romantic relationship;
Someone to have heart to hearts with; to sleep with; to share hoodies and food with,
even if I don’t tend to share food.

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Most of the time, though, I’m not worried. I no longer wish for cupid to get his act together and shoot his arrow my way. I no longer joke and whine about my “prince” being stuck in a tree and needing to hurry up and find me…

Because I’m still yet to work on myself; I’m yet to be the best I can possibly be;Β 
I’m busy gaining a whole heap of experiences and learning all kinds of lessons,
before settling down and meeting somebody.

By then, having someone to share my life with wouldn’t feel like a necessity;
Feeling lonely wouldn’t be a problem.
My flaws and mistakes will be accepted by myself, and loved by the ones who deserve me.

For now, today,
I’m going to shamelessly treat myself.

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Any excuse for chocolate.

Happy Valentine’s Day. ❀

82 Comments

  1. That must be seriously annoying when your birthday is also Valentine’s Day?! I know a few people whose birthday is also New Years Day, lol. And yes, absolutely, I can’t even consider being in a relationship right now, when I need to sort myself out a bit first too. πŸ˜€ ❀

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  2. Considering Valentine’s Day is also my birthday, I’ve never really liked the over-commercialised event, and right now, I’m perfectly happy being single anyway. Sure, I’d like to be with someone someday, but probably not anytime soon. I’d like to sort out my life a bit more first. πŸ™‚

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  3. Hahaha i know. But according to me it’s ok. At least they have us as someone who can listen to them rant about every single thing because let’s face it, couples never listen to each other. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  4. Gosh, yes! I’ve heard too many crap from people, listening to their dramas and arguments, it makes me so glad to be alone πŸ˜‚πŸ‘‹ Then there are the ones that keep getting back together, after talking so much crap about them and we’re the ones having to listen to them. πŸ˜„πŸ€”

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  5. That is so lovely! It’s like something from a movie. ❀ Very heartwarming. I’m glad love came through in the end and fought the battle. 25 years and going strong. πŸ˜‰ Here’s to 25 more years of happiness. ❀

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  6. We have been happily and not so happily married for 25 years, and I met Dwain when I was set to marry his boss. It was a complicated time, but we kept fighting because we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we would either love each other forever, or put a bullet in each other’s head. πŸ™‚ Luckily, love won out. We didn’t do anything special for Vday, but he did buy me a pink teddy bear and roses. Love to you sweet girl.

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  7. Thanks so much, Caz. ❀ It’s taken me too long to accept my flaws and mistakes myself, so I don’t think I want to waste any more time to make someone else accept and like me, too. πŸ™‚
    And yes, when all else fails, there’s always chocolate cake! Chocolate cake never lets us down. πŸ˜‰
    I hope you had a good Valentine’s Day. How did you spend it? πŸ’‹

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  8. Thank you – The socks are comfy πŸ˜… Absolutely, I’m a great believer that what’s meant to be, will happen. I know there are so many ways, especially in this day and age, to find love, but I don’t want to go out of my way to find it. It’ll happen…when it happens.
    Thank you so much. I hope you had a good Valentine’s Day. ❀

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  9. Thank you so much, Michele. That’s so lovely of you to say and reassure me. I know I have come such a long way in bettering myself, and I still have such a long way to go. πŸ™
    Valentine’s Day was just the worst in high school, right? It was a time for show-offs and who got the most cards. I’m glad to be past that.
    I am so pleased you found your husband at 29. You must be thrilled. May you stay together for years on end. I hope you had a lovely Valentine’s Day. How did you spend it, if you did at all? ❀

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  10. A beautiful post, and such a lovely idea to take the time to appreciate those in your life. “My flaws and mistakes will be accepted by myself, and loved by the ones who deserve me.” – This is true, but the amazing, wonderful parts (far greater than any perceived flaws/mistakes) will also be loved by those who deserve you. In the mean time, while we’re single, there’s always chocolate cake πŸ™‚
    Caz xx

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  11. β€œLife is too short to surround ourselves with people who do not bring happiness, growth, or fulfillment. Although it may be easier said than done, your future self will thank you for it.” (from the blog by Seeds 4 Life, April Stearns)

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  12. Happy Valentines! Nice socks! If you won’t find a soulmate, your soulmate will find you. There is no need to push it. I had few relationships (some with good people some with bad) and non were meant to be and I’m grateful that I know that they weren’t.
    I hope that you have a great day and enjoy the chocolates!

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  13. Even with a romantic other, I still see Valentine’s day as a day to celebrate all the love in your life including family and friends! Every year, me and my family get together for a big Valentine’s Day meal and games so no one is alone!

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  14. I hated Valentine’s Day in high school so much, that I tried to get out of going-never did get out of going, but I totally understand your fears. I am here to tell you that you are 1000% correct, you can’t find true love if you’re halfway through your recovery-you may end up with the wrong person, and trust me, I did. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 29, and most days (lol) I am incredibly grateful. You have so much to offer, never forget that. Happy Valentine’s Day sweetheart~

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