It’s that time of the year;
A day of roses, teddy bears, hearts, chocolates, and bragging;
Stores are filled with gifts and cards ‘For Him’ and ‘For Her’,
but rarely any ‘For You’, that says “Hang in there!”
There are ways to treat “Him” and “Her”,
but not a lot of tips on how to treat “Yourself.”
Apparently they call it “Valentine’s Day”.
I just call it Wednesday;
A day of waking up, attempting to function through the day, crying, and snoozing.
I’m still doubtful that I’ll find a “soulmate” in this lifetime.
Most of my friends now are engaged, married, or travelling around the world.
I’m here, sat in my bedroom, excited because I got a new pair of comfy socks.
It used to bother me that by the age of 18, I still hadn’t had a boyfriend.
I’d find it embarrassing that I still hadn’t had my first kiss.
I was fearful about the prospect of never finding my “other half”.
Being alone for the rest of my life still is one of my fears.
Two years on, having passed the cringy phase of adolescence,
I can honestly say that I’m relieved about not having another “half.”
“Other half” suggests that I’m not whole, and that my existence is solely dependant on another being. I wouldn’t like an “other half” or “significant other”. It’s taken me this long to come to terms with being my own person, and I think I would like to enjoy it.
I’m using today to shower myself with the love I deserve, and deprived of for years. I’m using today to be kind to myself, and forgive myself for all the ways I’ve harmed myself in the past. I’m using today to wine and dine… Myself.
I also want to acknowledge my love for the people I currently have in my life.
I love my family;
Can’t live with them, and can’t live without them.
While most of the time they infuriate me; we disagree on a lot of things, and I would often question how on earth we are related at all, I’ve got to love them. After all, my parents produced a human being that the world is blessed to have today.
My mother, especially, has fought incredibly hard to look after my sister and I.
Her love for us, and our love for her, is completely unbreakable.
I love my best friend who lives overseas.
It’s hard having a long-distance relationship anyway, and I think long-distance friendships are just as hard. It’s hard when the person you share absolutely everything with, can’t be there to physically comfort you; But our love is strong enough to travel across the world and back. No matter the distance, it can’t break our friendship.
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
Of course, there are moments,
like on “Valentine’s Day”, during romcoms, and lonely nights,
when I wish I had a romantic relationship;
Someone to have heart to hearts with; to sleep with; to share hoodies and food with,
even if I don’t tend to share food.
Most of the time, though, I’m not worried. I no longer wish for cupid to get his act together and shoot his arrow my way. I no longer joke and whine about my “prince” being stuck in a tree and needing to hurry up and find me…
Because I’m still yet to work on myself; I’m yet to be the best I can possibly be;
I’m busy gaining a whole heap of experiences and learning all kinds of lessons,
before settling down and meeting somebody.
By then, having someone to share my life with wouldn’t feel like a necessity;
Feeling lonely wouldn’t be a problem.
My flaws and mistakes will be accepted by myself, and loved by the ones who deserve me.
For now, today,
I’m going to shamelessly treat myself.
Happy Valentine’s Day. ❤