The Truth About Confidence

Confidence is not “they will like me.”
Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t.”

It’s easy to feel confident when things are going right – the way we want them to go.
It’s easy to feel confident when we receive compliments on how we look, or when we’re doing things the right way. It’s easy to feel confident when we get a round of applause, a pat on the back, or a promotion. Or when that cute waiter bringing me my usual hot chocolate smiles at me, giving me that warm glow….

But I’m starting to realise that this isn’t true confidence.

It’s not the kind of confidence that is particularly healthy to have.

This is, in fact, validation.

True confidence is the kind we have when people don’t compliment us;
It’s not being fazed when they say we should have picked out better clothes.
True confidence is being OK when we fail exams, knowing that we can always try again,
knowing that we will eventually get to where we are meant to be.

True confidence is feeling fabulous in our in baggy joggers, a t-shirt, and messy hair.
It’s feeling just as motivated and pleased with ourselves when we DON’T get a promotion, because we already love what we’re doing. True confidence is still feeling worthy when we get rejected, and still feeling good from within when that cute waiter ignores me and skims past without a second glance…

“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”
– Maya Angelou

True confidence can be exhausting, overwhelming, distressing, and soul-crushing.
But it’s an amazing, incredible, admiring, and satisfying asset to have. Core confidence is something I’ve not yet mastered, but I’m still using every day to work on.

It’s hard; It’s tiring,
but I faith that I will have eventually have core confidence every day without trying.

Everyday is an opportunity to love, to live, to learn, to grow.

 

104 Comments

  1. That is such a brilliant idea! I might think about doing that! Very clever and creative. Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment. I am so glad you are where you are right now. I hope to get there eventually. ❀

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  2. Good for you. I also have been working on this and am getting better all the time. I have my moments but they are getting fewer and fewer. I look at where I was when the ex left me after 23 years. I was at the bottom of self confidence. Keep working on it and remember that you are a wonderful strong woman There is only one of you and you are amazing. One thing that I do that I read about is my passwords. At work, you usually have to change your password every 90 days. I read about this one guy that would put goals as his passwords. The first one I did was about a vacation I was taking. I now do affirmations and goals for my 90 day passwords. You have to type it in every day. What a way to remind yourself of something. Having to type β€œIlovemyself” or β€œIamworthit” or something like that every day is definitely good for you.

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  3. Thank you so much! I’m so glad counselling enabled you to come to terms with your lack of confidence and made you work on this. Keep it up! Sending you so much love, strength and positivity 😘🌷
    Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you stick around. 😊🌻

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  4. You define this so beautifully….
    self-esteem comes into this ideal where we don’t worry what others think of our choices.
    I’m working on this daily. Mine has been in tatters for years; not that I knew it until last last following 21 weeks of counselling.
    Turns out a decent helping of self-confidence (bravado and gregarious outlook) can successful hide a lack of self-esteem.
    Loved reading your post and can’t wait to read more πŸ₯‚πŸŒΈ

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  5. Thank you, lovely ❀ So true, we shouldn’t rely on external factors to be within ourselves πŸ‘Œ 🌷
    I hope you are having a lovely weekend. Happy Easter! 🌻🐣😘

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  6. So beautiful written ❀ True confidence comes from within and are not just external factors or compliments like you said. It’s hard but we are getting there step by step.

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  7. So true! We all need to strive for self worth and acceptance. It’s knowing who we are and still feeling worthy when all else is stripped away; Friends, family, jobs, money, etc. It’s knowing ourselves enough so that everything else is unnecessary for our happiness. πŸ™Thank you so much for your comment! 😘🌼

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  8. So true; reminds me of some reading I’ve done on the difference between self-esteem and self-worth. Self-esteem can be fragile and is based on accomplishments. Self-worth is knowing your inherent value as a human being regardless of what is happening. It’s important to keep that steady, no matter how things fluctuate. Good stuff!

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  9. Thank you so much! 😘 I know I cannot give up when I have such lovely people such as yourself to support me 😘 Thanks for being there, and thanks for your comment! 😘❀

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  10. That’s great! I think there is also a strength in crying in front of people and letting them know that you’re hurting. We don’t have to hide away and keep it to ourselves. There’s strength in being weak πŸ˜‰πŸ’ͺ😘🌷

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  11. Awwwe, thank you 😘😘 I try. I think the key is being kind to ourselves and forgive ourselves when we become too anxious and we run away. (Like today, oops πŸ™ˆπŸ˜…) I know I’ll get there eventually, and I know you’ll be at the top with me. πŸ’ͺπŸ˜πŸ˜‰

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  12. Beautiful post !! For me true confidence is when you look at people and realise that they know you are broken yet you decide to stand and move on acting okay and in control. True confidence is crying your heart out on your work desk and office washroom yet going back to work and slaying your deliverables as nothing ever happened. That’s heartbreaking and yet true confidence for me and I have been there.

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  13. You know what’s the best type of confidence? It is when you just refuse to give up. The moment when everything goes downhill but still you’re trying to reach the top.
    And I see that in you. Never stop believing.β™₯️

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  14. It is good.. thank you.. and this post is an inspiration to be confident whatever the situation is.. even if we are alone in our battle we should keep fighting πŸ˜„β€

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  15. I believe because it’s so hard for some people, it is so much sweeter and more meaningful when we finally find that confidence from within. Yes, we ARE still standing, and it’s amazing when we realise that, after everything we’ve been through. πŸ’ͺ😊😘🌷

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